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“My Schizophrenic Life: The Road to Recovery From Mental Illness”

by Sandra Yuen MacKay
Excerpt contributed by BridgeRoss Communications Publishing

Vancouver artist, Sandra Yuen MacKay has an abnormality of the brain; a disease called schizophrenia. As she says, “My life is schizophrenic because I have schizophrenia. It will always be there.”

Much of her life has been a struggle to cope with the symptoms of the disease (now re-diagnosed as schizoaffective disorder) and the side effects of the medications required to keep those symptoms in check.

Early in her life, Sandra started to exhibit the typical symptoms of this disease, which came as a surprise to her unsuspecting family.

Her book chronicles her struggles, hospitalizations, encounters with professionals, her return to school, eventual marriage, and success as an artist, writer and advocate.
This is a short excerpt from her memoir:

“One thing that happens when one develops schizophrenia at a young age is that one becomes frozen in time. The illness may hinder the natural development toward maturity.

Periodically, I reverted to the way I felt when I first got ill. I was in a state of self-denial for many years. I couldn’t accept the fact that I had a loss, which I’d never get back.

My goals were always about the next step or challenge to gain recognition and approval. I kept achieving because I believed recognition and success would make me a better person. The drive to succeed left me unsatisfied because I always wanted more. I needed to alter my point of view, but I was preoccupied with the past.

I ruminated continually over past events in my life trying to make sense of my experience. I spent hours reinterpreting past events, and winding fabrications and roundabout explanations for minute details of my life. I’d get angry or sad when I relived those bad experiences in my mind.

The answer was to let the past go. I had to forgive my parents for not being able to identify my problem earlier and myself for not asking for help. At that time, I was too afraid and unsure to tell anyone about the voices and the growing conspiracy concocted in my mind. If my family had been educated or told about schizophrenia and its outward signs like neglected hygiene, social withdrawal, depression, and poverty of speech, perhaps I would have been diagnosed earlier. Perhaps the illness wouldn’t have been as severe or prolonged if I received help sooner. At that time, I had no insight to know I was falling into a pit, digging a hole deeper and deeper until I couldn’t climb out.

Recovery doesn’t always mean being cured and not needing medication. It means having a fulfilling life, self acceptance, and social inclusion. What makes recovery possible? In my case, I have the care and stability of a good home where I’m expected to act responsibly and reasonably. My family sees through my illness to Sandra, the real me. Others believe in me and help me develop tools to build a better life. I have no history of alcohol or drug abuse. I take my medicine as prescribed because I know it helps me function better. I’m not immune to conflicts and stress that are part of everyday life.

I remember walking around with a cloud over my head that rained on me for years like in a cartoon. Since then, I’ve built myself an umbrella of hope. Now the sun has come out and the sky is clear. I don’t fear rainy days because the sun will come out again tomorrow. There’s a part of me that believes change is possible, and that is the great hope that pushes me forward. Good insight is key to my mental wellness. I am healthier emotionally and psychologically, because I can recognize triggers and take precautions to keep myself well.

I have a sense of self-worth. I am motivated and determined to work through difficulties and meet challenges. Without direction and initiative, I would be lost. I know other consumers who are in recovery and have quality of life. They socialize and maintain friendships and relationships. They enjoy a sense of balance in their leisure occupations. They benefit from the right medications and care from psychiatrists and mental health teams. Some are well enough to be employed, go to school or volunteer. Some are peer support workers who help others.

Anyone can have a bad day or week when things aren’t going right and react in different ways. Many have dysfunction in their relationships, problems in the past, or difficulty coping in their lives at various times. Society determines who fits into the norm of acceptable behavior. Everyone struggles with some issue or setback. We adapt and hopefully we overcome.”

Sandra is the winner of the Courage to Come Back Award in BC for Mental Health in 2012 and one of the five faces of Mental Illness in Canada in 2012. Her book has been hailed by Library Journal as comparable to the well known book on bipolar by Kay Redfield Jamison, “Unquiet Mind”. It has been recommended by the Mood Disorders Society of Canada and the National Alliance on Mental Illness in the US.

Sandra can be seen discussing her recovery in this video
www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6GDrGxvhaU

To read more, you can purchase the book at Amazon or read samples online at: www.bridgeross.com/mackay.html

They are also available in e-book formats for Kindle, Kobo, Nook and via the Apple I-book store and Google Play.  You can buy hard copies at Chapters/Indigo, Barnes and Noble as well as from any other bookseller with titles from Ingram Publishers.

RETURN TO “THE ROAD TO RECOVERY” CHAPTER PAGE (CLICK)

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